I Left Design Because I Had Stopped Growing

You should know…

I spent more than a decade working in design before finally calling myself a designer.

My design discipline had been Design Research, and my output had always been insights, not visual mockups, physical products, or other tangible outputs. It took a long time before the label felt true and I had shifted to fully moving through the world as a designer.

For context, I practice a form of design called Human Centered Design (HCD). It’s an empathy-based creative problem-solving methodology. In some circles, this flavor of design is referred to as “Design Thinking,” although I resist that term and don’t identify with it. Invite me on a walk sometime and we can talk about why… 😜

HCD isn’t just something I do for work; at this point, no matter my job title, I will always be a designer. It’s in my bones, and it deeply informs how I live my life. It's been transformative in enabling me to live a life I couldn't have imagined.

I hope that by sharing some of my hard-won insights and reflections, you’ll see how designers approach challenges you might also face. I hope to inspire you to see your own circumstances in a new light.

Even Dream Jobs Lose Their Luster

I worked for a decade at one of the most globally well-known names in the Design Consulting world. For a long time, it lived up to the hype, and my experience there was beyond my wildest career dreams. Through my work, I traveled to slums in Kenya, studied the subways of Tokyo, and got personal with professional football players. The work was challenging, the people and projects were inspiring, and the pace of learning and growth was unmatched. When I left, it was to venture out on my own in pursuit of an even sweeter dream as an independent consultant.

In the ten years since leaving IDEO, I've created a life that has seemed too good to be true. I chose my clients, prioritizing people who "got" design so I could focus on project work that I was passionate about, rather than evangelize design to the unconvinced. My work in the domains of health and wellbeing felt important and interesting.

I knew I was spoiled and lucky, and deeply grateful for the privilege. 

My life as a free-range chicken had allowed me to prioritize my mental and physical health. I worked as much as I wanted, which I joked was, "as little as I could get away with." I had created a life that felt peaceful and small (in a good way), and I took delight in its simplicity. I referred to this time as "pretirement" (anticipatory retirement).

But I had gotten comfortable.

I realize now that part of me had grown bored.

The truth is, I felt like I was beginning to stagnate.

In retrospect, design had been losing its magic for me for a few years and it had become fraught with new tensions. As someone who prides themself on picking up on patterns, I was surprised it had taken me so long to notice.

Projects felt repetitive. The Design process I believed in with my entire being felt formulaic within the constraints of the project work. I loved the teams I worked with, but they seemed handcuffed and poorly set up to succeed.

I was frustrated with where Design as a whole was heading—where it once felt like we were shaping a world that could be, I felt a growing disappointment in the world that was emerging.

I don't think it was entirely burnout... it felt like something else. While its true that the design world was also changing, I was in the early days of my next evolution. This first stage involved me falling out of love with my slice of the design world to make space for something new.

As a consultant, my work was several steps removed from direct impact. As a perpetual outsider, I felt a lack of agency and growing cynicism.

I had grown tired of working only on the design challenges my clients deemed interesting enough to explore. After what had felt like a high hit rate of "dream projects" over the course of my career, I began losing hope that my next dream project might appear. I wanted to have more of a say in how the world might change.

Despite this growing dissatisfaction, I had convinced myself that I was content.

Can you relate?

I’m curious if aspects of my story resonate with you—achieving your dream and then growing beyond it, sensing yet denying your growing dissatisfaction, or perhaps feeling caught between recognizing your privilege and allowing yourself to want more.

What kept you from noticing how bad your situation had gotten?

What helped you wake up and accept reality?

At the time, I hadn’t yet understood that I was ready for something new. Considering the possibility of a drastic career change after 20 years was an existential threat too big for me to yet contemplate.

In a future post, I’ll describe what happened next, and how I was finally able to take action towards something new.